During the Labor Day weekend, we drove south of the border to attend the wedding of our best friend Henry. My husband, Jovy, and I first met Henry more than 15 years ago when we were all working for the same conglomerate in Manila. We also lived in the same neighborhood and as a result, he became a part of our family. In fact, no celebration or special occasion was complete without Henry’s presence.
My parents became so fond of him that he was referred to as their “adopted son” and even our friends and relatives came to know him. Needless to say, he was sorely missed when he moved to Canada.
When it was our turn to leave Manila, we decided on Toronto and this decision was due, in large part, to Henry. We knew that he would take care of us and give us the support we needed in planting roots in another country. True enough, he didn’t let us down.
Henry’s wedding (to Ann) was well organized, intimate but a lot of fun. However, what touched me the most was the bouquet-cum-garter ceremony at the reception. Instead of single girls and guys, all married couples were asked to converge on the dance floor.
It was a process of elimination until the longest-married couple was left. The bouquet and garter were awarded to them – a hands-down winner, having been together for 36 years! All the disc jockey-host could say was “wow!” In-deed, in this day and age, it is no mean feat to be married that long.
Whenever I attend a marriage ceremony, I always pray that the bride and groom’s union would be happy and last forever. Certainly, my best friend’s wedding was no exception. Indeed, what is the se-cret to a lasting and fulfilling marriage? Though Jovy and I are certainly no experts, we have had the privilege of sharing what we know about marriage in our ministry in Manila.
Based on our own and others’ experiences, research and observa-tions, we came up with the three most important elements a mar-riage must have. Of course, there are other factors that can influence the quality and longevity of married life but in a nutshell, we con-sider these the most essential.
I’d like to share with you the three C’s which can help preserve and enhance one’s marriage.
Communication
Here’s the stark truth about communication in marriage: hus-band and wife must communicate or their marriage will disintegrate. The most important way to nourish conjugal bliss is through commu-nication. In fact, it is the lifeline of a marriage.
Communication involves not only an exchange of words be-tween husband and wife but a meeting of minds and hearts.
In an intimate relationship like marriage, we can be completely open with our mate. We can share our deepest dreams, anxieties, ideas, and feelings – without fear of rejection. We listen with empathy and show utmost respect for whatever is said to us. Sometimes, no words need to be expressed because we are so in tune with our partner’s feelings.
This level of communication is the secret of lasting love. When this happens, we have the assur-ance that though we are com-pletely known, we are still loved.
That’s true intimacy. Every marriage needs it to survive.
Commitment
The marriage vow goes some-thing like this: to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others until death do us part.
As reflected in these beautiful vows, marriage is all about com-mitment.
When a couple gets married, they agree to share their lives with each other and to assist in their partner’s personal growth, devel-opment and happiness wherever and whenever they can.
They also agree to cherish and protect their union with their part-ner so it can forever flourish and always remains a happy one. They agree to this because they want to, and for no other reason.
Too many people believe that after they have taken the necessary steps to secure a marriage com-mitment, they can relax in the comfort that their work is done.
This kind of complacency can erode the marriage and cause it to fail. When marriage is viewed as a commitment, the couple’s love for each other becomes an act of the will and is not based on shifting moods and feelings.
Husband and wife work on their relationship on a day-to-day basis and strive to be true to their vows.
Christ
When a man and woman are united in matrimony, they fulfill the eternal plan of God for their lives. It takes three to make a mar-riage work and the Third Person is the most important.
However, God is not just a passive or benign presence. By His grace, He helps husband and wife in their journey into the deeper pathways of committed love that they are called to. God is at the heart of every Christian marriage. This God, who wills our happiness, will help us fulfill our marriage vows. In order to be faithful in mind, heart and body, we should continually rely on God and make Him an important part of our marriage relationship.
Henry and Ann, together with all those who deeply care for you, I wish you the best in your married life! This article is especially for you! ‚
The author is the eldest grandchild of the late President Diosdado Macapagal. She lives in Ontario with her family. You can write her at mpmsl2002@yahoo.com.